The beloved local watering hole known as Booby’s Brewing will officially be selling marijuana joints come this April 20. Already stacked with an arsenal of IPA’s and brews to wet one’s whistle, venturing into the realm of hippy lettuce seems a natural expansion of this family business that surely won’t go up in smoke.
Local as local can get, Booby’s sources their whacky tabacky at the Booby’s Farm located in the outskirts of Navis. This all-natural and organic crop has never known the scourge of chemicals and its first harvest has yielded 5.8 metric tons of this green gold.
“Yea, it’s pretty wild how much we grew this year. It’s more than we know what to do with. Well, that’s a lie. We’re going to sell it obviously,” said the mastermind of adding doobies to Booby’s menu, Brad Shocking. “It’s all sativa and pretty damn strong if I do say so myself. Smoked one joint to test it and thought I’d land on the moon. Nope. I went all the way to Jupiter, man. It was wild. Then I broke into the Booby’s late last night and ate all the waffles, but don’t tell anybody that. Keep that off the record. No. I’m serious, do not put that in the article or I’ll get fired. You’ll omit it? Cool, thanks.”
Booby’s master plan is to sell joints with their iconic logo on the filter at the cost of a pint. As there are 8 different strands, Booby’s will also be offering flights of quarter-sized joints similar to a flight of beer. Purchases of any Booby’s Doobie will also render a discount on select food items. #smart
“We haven’t talked to the city about this or have any safety plans put in place, but we’re going to have people smoke on the roof of our building so we don’t stink up the place. No safety rails either. We trust our patrons that when they’re at their highest and drunkest at the same time, they’ll be able to handle standing on a slanted roof. I believe in them,” said Shocking. “I also believe in our trivia guy. Sundays at 2PM is when he hosts. He’s the best. I wish I could be like him. He’s my hero.”
Booby’s Brewing also mentioned to the Rumor that they will be hiding their joints in various places around Wolfskill as a marketing scheme. When asked about the danger of children stumbling across these joints, Shocking simply shrugged and said, “Get em' young. Besides, they’re probably already smoking weed anyways.”
Despite Shocking’s objectively egregious mindset regarding children and drugs, the joints are also said to be inflation proof and will hold their ground at $7 per joint. Affordable as they are powerful, Booby’s Doobies are sure to be a hit.
“We’ve had my mom rolling joints nonestop for the last 2 months in preparation for the release. After working 16 hour days she had the audacity to tell me her fingers hurt. And you know what I told her? I said her back’s going to hurt, because she just pulled landscaping duty around the farm. There’s still about 8 acres of weed plants to harvest,” Shocking said in a menacing comment. “So she’s got to harvest all that, pick out the seeds, trim the bud then her ass is back to rolling joints. I’m not helping either.”
The cherry on top of all this is a special appearance by the one and only Shnoop Doggg on the April 20 release date. Admission is one doobie that is to be smoked right then and there. Eye drops will also be provided.
EDITOR'S NOTE : Remember, everybody, this is ALL a parody. If you take offense to this, kindly...go kick rocks and stub your toe.
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